I Know

- Intermezzo -

My wife’s friend called us crazy when we got Felix, especially so soon after losing Kasper.

When my own friend found out, he told me, ‘Wow, ready for heartbreak all over again.’

It’s easy to understand why people never get another dog. That first time you bring them home, you never think they’ll be leaving you one day. Even if you’re more realistic than most, you tell yourself that moment is far, far away in the very, very distant future.

Mostly, it feels like they’re going to be around forever.

It’s so easy to get attached to this idea, since you get so easily attached to them.

It comes as a surprise when I notice they’ve gotten older. Winston is nine years old now, but he was a puppy just yesterday. And it’s not possible that Felix is going to be two.

I’ve gotten older too, but it wasn’t so sudden.

Kasper and I grew older together.

All those years with him just flew by, I have no idea where it all went. Yet now that he’s gone I’ve never felt time move so slowly.

I understand why people don’t get another dog. Hopefully it doesn’t happen for a while, but eventually that intense period of sadness arrives.

But it’s just for a brief while, we tend to forget what pain magnifies.

I still get those pangs here and there. I still get them, but they’re no longer strong enough to overpower all the wonderful memories I have of him.

I can look at his pictures and smile. 

I love him more than I ever have.

I love Meeko too, even if I don’t think about him nearly as much.

I love Winston and Kingston no less.

I understand. I get it but I think people leave so much on the table.

There’s so much good they’ve brought into my life, and it took a second loss to realize that.

You know, I might just be rationalizing this away. Maybe I’ll never get another dog once they’re both gone.

Then again, if I thought that way I would have never gotten them in the first place.

I can’t stand the thought of them being a part of someone else’s life. I can’t accept that they might have been happier somewhere else.

I don’t ever want to imagine what I’d be missing out on.

I know.

I know I’ll be sad again one day.

But for now I’m the happiest person I know.