05/12/25
Everything Happens At The Right Time
About 3 weeks ago, I had my first ever paid speaking gig.
None of it proceeded according to expectations, but that was because I expected too much in the first place.
Yet I found myself not thinking about the results that may or may not materialize from my performance, but the priceless lessons that were revealed upon further reflection.
...
The day wasn't off to a good start.
I forgot I had rescheduled my student's lesson to an earlier hour, in order to have enough breathing room once I got to the venue. His text woke me out of my stupor and we started 5 minutes late.
Once I arrived to the parking lot of my alma-matter, the destination where the "discussion panel" was to take place, I went straight to the machine to purchase a ticket. I reached into my pocket ...
... to find it empty.
Head slap - MY WALLET!
So instead of relaxing before the big event, I ran around like a headless chicken. Luckily, my former professor/teacher graciously lent me his credit card and I dodged this second bullet.
...
Throughout these not insignificant snafus, I had the strangest feeling:
Calm.
I had been through this before and historically speaking, I had always failed. This time, I recognized what was happening - Murphy's Law
I did not melt into a hyperventilating puddle of patheticness. The instant recognition of this phenomenon allowed me to immediately surrender to the moment, instead of succumbing to resistance.
I wondered how this could even have happened in the first place. As I've gotten older, I've become neurotically obssessed at overpreparing for nearly every type of scenario I deem even minorly significant (especially moreso when it's the first occasion). I can afford to do this because I measure in my life everything that counts, never missing even the tiniest change to my agenda.
Then the clouds parted:
This was just another test.
...
Afterwards. In my teacher's office.
The nostalgia, having spent so many lessons during my college days here. Nothing has changed much except for the furniture. I browse his vast library of CDs and musical literature, many of the titles on his shelves remain familiar.
Today's talk was 3 days removed from my birthday. But my teacher doesn't seem to notice this and I conclude the timing wasn't intentional.
A coincidence.
I think back to the email he sent about a month ago, being told the exact day and time it would take place. Immediately assuming I'd have to cancel my lessons on this date, the pay from the event most likely only allowing me to break even.
Then looking at my calendar and seeing it was wide open, my students happening to be gone for spring break on that specific day at that specific time. Then realizing I have a wonderful assistant who would keep my entire schedule clear so I could give my all.
A coincidence?
I think not.
Because so much of my life has changed in the past year it's not even funny. Because I finally found real friends, allies to accompany me on the journey. Because I started writing about the process.
Because it all started when I lost my best friend.
...