I was standing in line for Hometown Buffet with my 2 siblings.
My dad was at the register telling the cashier, '3 adults, 1 child.'
'WHY ARE YOU LYING TO HER?' said my brother (not a child).
My dad nudged him with a look that said to shut up your face. But it didn't matter—the cashier only stared ahead like a zombie and motioned towards the discounted price on the display.
I can't remember the last time my family shared important information with me—at least, information that I considered important. If I ever did find out it was always after the fact.
It bothered me that they expected me to take this all in stride, until it became obvious that my expectations never crossed their minds in the first place.
To this day, I'm not sure if I'm either resentful or confused about it.
Probably both.
But that didn't stop my parents from prying into my personal life. I didn't question the asymmetry of this. I obliged them because I thought that's what a dutiful son does.
When I saw that they were just reloading, I stopped providing them with ammunition.
Bang bang bang.
I became evasive, which only made them try harder. So I created a bulletproof vest by remaining aloof and distant.
It's not just my family, this seems to extend to anyone you're not related to. My theory is that most people can’t help but get drunk on the powerful feeling that knowing brings.
The only safe bet seems to be to never say anything to anyone you know. This somehow explains why complete strangers have told me things they’ve never shared with another soul.
Of course, it could just mean that no one listens anymore. It certainly feels that way to me, since I always find myself doing the listening instead of being listened to.
Not that I don't prefer it that way—opening myself up isn't a risk I'm willing to take these days.
Isn't that what you're doing right now?
Yes. Yes I am.
But the difference is I'm not telling you anything I don't want you to know. And I like writing about it because it's the one way for me to know what that difference is.
I don't think most of us are keeping secrets to be deceptive; we're just protecting ourselves from others.
Especially the ones we love.
