Persuasion is an art that can easily cross the line into manipulation.
A similar phenomenon exists, the one where people only help you to help themselves.
The unifying factor is self-importance; it cuts like a double-edged sword, closing the door to mutual benefit.
• • •
My cousin once told me the following story about my brother:
They were standing in a candy store, my brother hovering around the object of his desire. In a very nonobvious way, he said to my cousin, 'Are you sure you don’t want to buy that? It looks pretty tasty to me. I mean, if I was you I’d buy it.'
A few more repetitions without variation and out the shop he stepped with caramel-coated candy apple in hand.
My brother was also not above dissuading you in his best interests.
'Well, if you really want to. But I really don’t think you should. I mean, I wouldn’t if I were you,' he said when my cousin asked for a bite of the candy apple he had just purchased with his own money.
Badgering someone about a candy apple they have no interest in buying is one thing, but when the subject involves bringing a human life into this world, one of your own making, that's quite a different matter.
• • •
If there was anything I was certain of, it was that I would have children someday.
The number would be identical to the one my parents had produced. But the amount slowly dwindled from three ... to two ... one…
... none.
If my family had just left well enough alone, I would have had what we all wanted all along. But their incessant prompting of what I already planned on doing took the decision out of my hands.
At the time it felt like the extinguishing of a future in which we would all be, naively, ideally, happy, but I now consider it the price I evidently had to pay for the truth.
• • •
People have the freedom to practice any religion they choose, but I do not have any less freedom to not be forced into a discussion without my consent.
The first question the mother of the twins I used to teach asked me was if I went to church.
No, I did not.
That didn’t stop her from giving me a video of her church choir’s concert. Also, a brochure about the Grand Canyon, in which each scientific fact was refuted because they were scientific.
A young blond woman had come up to my wife and I. She said our dogs were cute and asked to pet them.
(full disclosure: you may always approach us to pet our dogs ... depending on how clean your hands are)
I noticed a cross around her neck and mentioned I was interested in reading the Scriptures someday. But then I heard a switch click in her brain and regretted it immediately.
She launched into a soliloquy on the good Lord that only she had asked for. Afterwards, she inquired as to whether I went to church. I said no, that I preferred to spend my Sundays in my own company.
She replied, but in the gospel it is written that you must gather.
Well, it’s a good thing I don’t give a rat's ass, I said in my mind.
• • •
My good friend is a Christian.
He was never explicit about it, the disclosure slowly unfolded through many conversations.
Over time, I desired to read the books of wisdom (Job,Proverbs, Ecclesiastes). I became curious because he was a good person, and my curiosity was allowed to develop because he never once told me what to do.
• • •
My marriage was on the rocks.
It was the closest to divorce I had ever been and I had no one to turn to. Out of hopelessness I asked my sister and brother-in-law to intervene. Graciously, they acquiesced to my desperate request.
'Oh and can we please keep the religion talk on the down-low?' I asked beforehand, since my wife was as disinterested in the stuff as I was.
They started in on the Bible verses as soon as we sat down.
At first I was upset, but then I saw that my wife was caught off-guard. In that moment, I was thankful for being granted a possibility, no matter how infinitesimal, that I wouldn’t be eliminated from her life.
My sister sent me home with a DVD that night. She urged me to watch it and said, 'it'll save your marriage!' It was called Fireproof, starring Kirk Cameron, born-again Christian and former star of the hit TV sitcom Growing Pains.
The synopsis of the film, in case you were interested, is that a firefighter nearly destroys his marriage due to a porn addiction before being saved by God’s grace.
(disclaimer: i have no idea if this summary is an accurate one, on the off-chance you assumed i actually watched this shit)
The answer is no, in case you were wondering. No, it did not save my marriage—though I'm happy to report my marriage was eventually saved.
• • •
I wish more people were like Jehovah’s Witnesses, in how openly they advertise their intentions. It’s why I never feel bad about ignoring them when they knock on my door.
On the street, however, it's an entirely different thing.
Two of them were bicycling by as I was walking my dogs. One of them asked how I was doing and I replied 'I’m good,' in a way that signaled I was utterly disinterested in further communication.
(question of the day: does religious fanaticism cause a genetic deficiency in overall awareness?)
The fellow took it as a cue to plow right on ahead by asking if I’d be interested in a short conversation about the good Lord.
'No thank you,' I said.
'Sir, it will just take a few min-'
Unintentionally, I raised my voice and flat palm, 'NAH, I'M GOOD.'
Truthfully, I did NOT feel good afterwards. In fact, I felt horrible. I didn't like the way I responded. Then again, it was more his fault than mine.
Yet even if this terrible feeling were to be magnified, I really wish I had said those three words to my parents earlier on. If I did, I might have had at least one kid by now.
I definitely should have said this to my sister back then, it would be better than pretending as if what happened hadn't deeply hurt me.
