Priceless

- Rhapsody -

You can delude yourself all you want. Until that hypothetical scenario actually happens, it's just a theory.

For example, there was this female contestant on some dating show that said, 'I'd rather cry in a BMW than smile on a bicycle.' This was said in response to a male contestant who said he didn't have a lot of money but was a hard worker.

Didn't surprise me that this statement went viral, how people said it was the smartest thing they ever heard anyone say. Of course it's all about the Benjamins. Of course any reasonable human being would think the same way.

Yet here I am thinking money isn't everything. But as soon as I think this I'm reminded of what my father-in-law once told me: money isn't everything, but without money man is nothing.

Do I have enough to avoid feeling this way?

This was a Chinese dating show by the way, so naturally I heard about this from my Taiwanese wife.

A peculiar thing, that Taiwanese identity. I asked her what she thought about those numerous Taiwanese celebrities and artists who headed over to strike it rich in a country that says their country isn't an actual country.

She said are you kidding me? Look at how much they make over there!

I am in no position to blame them, since it doesn't appear like they have much of a choice. Where else are they going to hunt for success?

Denmark?

As an American, I can't relate to so easily disavowing my citizenship. Amurrica! LAND OF THE FREE! That fierce, uncompromising individualism our forefathers fought so desperately for.

Then again, we have something called free speech. And our country is also not an island that is roughly equivalent to 5% of Texas. In other words, if I were a Chihuahua and a Rottweiler came to tell me I was a penguin then I'm a motherfuckin' penguin.

Everyone has a price.

'Not me,' would always be my response to this. But I started to doubt if that wasn't just sour grapes. Especially when it seems like rich people are only interested in getting richer.

Basically, I've never had the dilemma of turning down a life-changing amount of the green stuff. And even if I did, I'd have to consider my wife's point of view. If I said no she would probably kill me, and I'd like to stay alive (and married).

Still, there are some situations where all the money in the world wouldn't be enough. Like this one time I asked a friend, who isn't gay, if he'd give another man a blowjob for a million dollars. He looked at me like I was the world's biggest idiot. For a second I wondered if I wasn't.

'What if the whole world knew about it?' I then added.

'Who gives a shit? It's a MILLION dollars!' was his response. 'Besides, what MORON would criticize me for that?!'

Apparently, I am that moron.

Well, there is at least one thing I can one hundred percent say has nothing to do with money and that is my motivation for writing. When I started two years ago, I used to repeat, like a mantra, that I would write for free if so be it.

Of course I was only half-saying that, it's not as if I actually wanted that to happen.

Yet here I am.

Even so, there's something to be said: had I known earlier that I wouldn't have made a cent, I might not have even started. I can honestly say it was a good thing I didn't know, because I like the person I ended up becoming.

It's kind of like getting a dog. When you bring your new puppy home, you intuitively understand he's going to die one day but you still behave as if he's going to be around forever. Tell yourself all you want that you'll be ready for that goodbye, it's still all make believe.

It took me losing two to understand that.

After we lost Kasper, our friends called us crazy for getting another one. Not just that it was so soon but that we were willing to go through that all over again.

The way I see it, we'd be crazy not to.

We've spent a fortune on all our dogs over the years. With good reason too, since we could never pay them back for all they've given us.

You'd be a silly person to put a price tag on that.