- Intermezzo -
When it comes to a family outing, I prefer staying as close to home as possible. Because that's where my books are.
My wife's the one that doesn't mind the distance. So when I complained about going to Santa Monica she asked what the big deal was. With the auto-drive feature it's not like I was doing anything anyways. But that doesn't erase the fact you still have to sit in the damn car to get there.
So we settled on the OC Japan Fair and all was right with the world.
• • •
Well, I passed by the first entrance I saw right after we exited the freeway. My wife points this out because she thinks I am completely blind. But I'm just following the directions that are telling me to go to Gate 8.
When we get to Gate 8 it's closed so I decide to circle back to the first one I missed, rather than take the next entrance I see. I've already explained this to my wife but she continues to point out that I'm missing all the entrances I've chosen to pass by. There's like a thousand of them so she does this like a thousand times.
Guess what I say to her when she's the one driving:
Absolutely nothing.
• • •
We go through that first entrance and pay for parking. My wife mentions the parking attendant doesn't seem to care too much about her job. I would not care either, especially in this weather.
We park. I unload the stroller that will protect everyone from our dogs and put them inside. I go to use the bathroom. While washing my hands, a woman pops her head in through the door before saying, 'OOPS!'
We head towards the entrance and immediately run into my wife's coworker and his girlfriend. They have a corgi of their own, who they've left behind. I fantasize about what our lives would be like if we weren't our own corgis' emotional support humans. My wife asks them what's good to eat and they say everything. I ask them what we should avoid and the guy points to the matcha drinks they are both drinking.
At the entrance one of the workers scans our tickets. He says, 'excuse me sir.' We stare at each other for a second.
'May I pet your corgis?'
• • •
We're inside and there's a row of food stalls to our left. My wife decides on the one that's selling fried chicken on a skewer. She asks whether she should buy one or three. I tell her one sounds good so naturally she decides on three.
My dogs bark at other dogs that are calmly walking by. I read the sign in front of me, The OC Japan Fair welcomes all well-behaved pets! Please keep your well-behaved pet on a leash. Well, one of those boxes is checked.
The sun is frying my bald head so I thank God when a patio seat under an umbrella finally opens up. When I sit down I notice a black dude all decked out in red Japanese attire animatedly gesturing and speaking to his phone that is on a tripod. He does several takes of this. Then he play acts walking by his phone nonchalantly. So that's what making those videos looks like.
My wife comes over with the chicken skewers and looks peeved. Came out to $31. 'You shouldn't have told me to get three!' she says.
• • •
We finish our food and head further inside. More food stalls and a stage in an outdoor warehouse. A crowd is gathered near the stage. Some white guy in a yukata is explaining an aspect of Japanese culture.
We head indoors because air-conditioning. Lots of knick-knacks on display, figurines and decorations of all sorts. Must be pretty expensive to be a nerd these days–correction, otaku. I happen to be mildly otaku, my wife is not.
Nothing interests us so we head outdoors to the other side.
• • •
There are tons more food stalls. We walk around and the sun resumes frying my bald head. I remember we have a specially designed umbrella from home, one that my wife bought in Japan. I mention we should have brought it and she says, 'Yeah, I was debating on whether or not to bring it.'
There's yakitori, which we both love. But they don't have much of a ventilation system and the people in line are literally disappearing in clouds of smoke. We both agree it is not worth getting yakitori if you have to smoke a pack of cigarettes beforehand.
We see a sake garden and immediately make a beeline towards it. I start to pull away because I think it's a trap. You pay $12 for a tasting, which comes out to five shots. Too good to be true, I know better. But my wife investigates and the lady explains it is not too good to be true.
It takes less than five minutes for us to finish our tastings and we have a fairly nice buzz going on. My wife says, 'Thank God we ate those chicken skewers!'
At one of the stalls a tall, buff Japanese guy is doing the pouring. I imagine myself going up to him with a serious expression on my face:
Excuse me.
(Pause.)
If I drink this sake ... will I get muscles like you?
• • •
There's a tent for the VIP option. You not only get premium sake but snacks to perfectly pair each one. I look at the tables.
Lay's potato chips.
• • •
We exit the garden and walk around some more. There's a McDonald's booth where you can play a game for free prizes. A little boy in front of us wins on his last try and we all cheer. It's my turn and I win on my first try. As does my wife. I thought this would be harder. The booth guy says, 'Congratulations! Here is your ticket, you can trade it for a free fry with purchase of a drink. Here is also a raffle ticket, please return at five for the drawing.'
I imagine getting a single french fry with an overpriced coke. My wife and I decide not to come back for the raffle.
• • •
We head over to the Toyota booth to see if we can get something better. I spin the wheel and get a choice between sunglasses or a bag. I choose the bag and I am thankful I finally have something to shield my burning skull.
My wife is not interested in either prize.
• • •
There's a big outdoor stage where a musical performance is going on. A group of Japanese people are dressed in fancy, traditional attire. They're playing on what I think are called shamisens and singing along. It all looks really cool and sounds really good. There are rows of chairs but unfortunately nowhere to sit.
The seats have all been reserved by the sun.
• • •
There's nothing else to do so we head back towards the inner warehouse because air conditioner. We're at the other side and there are loads more people here, now that the sun is higher up in the sky.
We walk around the corner and see someone in a giant Pikachu costume slowly waddling by. We walk some more and see Mexican girls in Japanese maid costumes, waiting in line to dance. Who are they dancing for?
The people standing around look as confused as I do.
• • •
I spot a stall that is advertising Akane-banashi, which happens to be my favorite anime at the moment. If I put down my name, phone number and email they will give me a free poster. I briefly consider putting down false information (Michael Chu, Michaelchu@mypepper.com) but I'm too scared to follow through.
I leave with my free poster.
• • •
Back at the entrance there's a stand giving away free samples of some type of tofu dessert. My wife comes back with four and tells me it's my turn. There's a group of young people ahead of me, all dressed in yukatas. They're murmuring amongst themselves excitedly, "I think I'll ask for ... TWO!' When I go up I ask for four. The girl asks if I want more.
Me: Okay.
Her: How about two?
(Laughter.)
Me: Sure?
Her: Two more?
(More laughter.)
Me: Sounds good!
I come back with eight. My wife says holy crap.
• • •
We go back to the car, pack up the stroller, put the dogs in the backseat, get inside and pull out of the parking lot. I tap the screen to make the car drive itself.
My wife decides she wants to get some tea for the drive home. She adds it to the itinerary. We're close to a stoplight and the car is about to turn left. My wife changes her mind and removes the tea shop from the itinerary. All of a sudden the car veers into the middle lane and speeds straight past the stoplight. We stare straight ahead. It is silent for a moment.
If I were a Catholic I would have crossed myself.
