‘I am a writer.’
I cannot bring myself to say these words.
I cannot even say, ‘I want to be a writer.’
When I say either phrase, I take on the identity of an immediate imposter.
To be called a writer seems an impossible standard, an echelon forever out of reach.
My favorite authors are high above the clouds, like Beethoven is for the composer.
I might be glorifying it a bit, but I like it this way.
So I've settled on a different saying:
‘I want to get as good at writing as I possibly can.’
To say this is to imply I have some skill at it--emphasis on *some*.
Truthfully, it’s not that I consider myself all that good, I just like having something to keep me busy.
As much as I love the action of music, the performance and teaching of it, I've always felt enveloped by the enormous shadows of giant steps.
It is not my own.
The teaching of others' materials, the performance of others' music.
The writing, for better or worse, is mine.
All mine.
The less I question where it comes from, the easier it gets.
The more clueless I admit I am, the closer I get to reaching my potential.
The reason I’m confident is that I can look back at the older stuff I've written and notice how bad it is.
I remain hopeful that, one day, I'll write something I want to read.
